A Change of Strategy

"The definition of psychosis is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results." While that's not really the true definition of psychosis, it really is true that outcomes never change if the process of getting there is always the same. I have been beating myself up for the past few months for not running as well as I thought I should. So this week, I decided to change my strategy.

Usually, I plan a distance and set out to run that distance. Most days, I make it about 1/3 of the way, get frustrated, start walking, and beat myself up for it. So starts the evil thoughts of bad body image, insecurity, and doubt. I have done this over and over and over. I am so tired of being disappointed in my workouts and in myself.

Here is the new strategy. I will PLAN to incorporate walking. This involves a lot of mental stamina, which I continue to believe is the core strength needed for a distance runner. I make little plans in my head as I run such as "I will run for four songs, walk for one." Or I will run until the end of a certain block, then walk one, run six, etc. Some of you might wonder how this will ever get me to my goal of finishing a half marathon.

The truth is, it really helps. Giving myself permission to walk has been the best thing I could have done. I am running stronger during the running portions, and appreciating how hard I have worked. I am walking less than planned. The total distance is inching closer to the goal. And when I get home, I am satisfied because I have met my daily goal. No more bad attitude, no more disappointment. This is a great strategy!!

Other things that have blown my mind this week:
1. Ricki Weeks was hit by a fast ball in the head last night. He got up and finished the game. There is some serious mental toughness. He hit a homerun today.

2. My kid can force himself to stay awake even if he's played 3 baseball games, swam for an hour, and sat in the hot sun. Hard core mental stamina.

3. I have a pug that will spin in circles and bark loudly every time someone dries their hair or flushes the toilet. Ok, she is dumb. There is no mental toughness there. But it's really funny.

Lesson learned. If you continue to disappoint yourself while repeating certain behaviors over and over, stop and think. One little change in the way you think and act can set you on a whole new course. Isn't that a nice thought?

Wake Up!!

Oh boy, I haven't written a blog entry for almost a month. The summer is passing me by. I have been living on baseball diamonds and out of my car. It has been fun but it has really taken the focus off of any sort of "training." I continue to work at it. I have run up to 5 miles at a crack and plan to reach for six this weekend.

But I have had a wake up call, my friends, my wonderful readers. Let me preface this by saying that I'm not looking for pity or comments telling me I'm wrong. I know what I saw. Here goes. I saw a photo of myself today. A really horrible one. At first, when I saw this photo, I didn't realize it was me. I saw a woman who looked like she needed a water pill. I was stunned and saddened when it struck me that I was looking at myself. Trust me, I wanted to run into traffic.

Let's talk about this. Body image SUCKS. I'm sure many of you can relate to the argument that takes place in my head on a daily basis. A constant battle of good and evil. Good tells me to be happy with who I am and to cherish my strengths. Evil reminds me that our sick and twisted society appreciates beauty and that beauty equals thin. I hate this battle almost as much as I hate baked apples. If you don't know me well, trust me, that's a lot of hate. Considering my profession, I should know how to work this battle out in my head. But I don't.

Good says things like "nice work out today" or "you did a really great job with that patient" or "what a great family you have." Evil responds with "how can someone who works out so much still be overweight" or "how did you let that guy talk you into another adderall prescription" or "you are not spending near enough time with your son." The trick is to remember that the good thoughts are usually the correct ones even though the evil ones are very convincing.

So now what? I really can't bear another round of Weight Watchers. I know I can work out more and I will. I have to for goodness sake, I'm running a half marathon in just over 2 months!! I also know I'll feel better tomorrow. I always do. But I swear to God if anyone brings donuts to work, my evil side is going to BURST!!