Let's Get Real Here.

Ok, time to get down to the nitty gritty. There are 8 weeks left before Becki and I travel to Portland to participate in a half marathon with Erin. The training had a major set back in March and I never really bounced back. I am doing much better now than I have all summer, which is good news. But it's all seeming a bit funny to me as I sit here writing this tonight.

Allow me to describe a training "run" for you. I sit down at mapmyrun.com, one of my new favorite tools for training. I plot a route with the total mileage that I am trying to accomplish for that day. (I'm up to 6 by the way.) Then I gear up and set out. Of course now you are all thinking, wow, that's great. No, it's not. I wish you could see me laugh right now.

I start real serious. A good pace, steady breathing, nothing hurts. This is good. Soon, my legs feel tired. I'm just getting into it. A mile must have passed by now. I press the button on my ipod that tells me how far I've gone, 0.21 miles. Great, Karen, thanks for the update. How could that be? OK, so I'm not pressing that button again for a while. I think that thing is broken.

I purposely plan my route near parks that have bathrooms and bubblers, or water fountains if you require that terminology. The need for the bathroom is obvious to those of you who have birthed children. Running is right up there with jumping, sneezing, laughing, squatting down. One false move and you better hope that you are sweating enough to cover up your accident. So, I can stop at the park, use the bathroom and get a drink. I have gotten into the habit of sticking my head in the stream of water after I get my drink. I can only imagine what passers by think but I have really stopped worrying what passers by think at this point anyway.

Another trick. I purposely plan my route so that people will see me. By people, I mean people who cannot see me walking. I MUST be running when these people are near. When I suspect I may run into one of these people, I pick up the pace. They have no idea how much they are influencing my running. You may be one of these people without even knowing! No one but me knows who these people are. They have been chosen for very inappropriate, superficial reasons that only I can know without thoroughly embarrassing myself. I also run on really busy streets so that these people might see me running just as they are out innocently going about their own business.

But on the side streets of Ripon is where my secrets lurk. That's where I'm taking a brief walking break. Sure, my walk is on pace with some joggers, but to me, this is cheating. I'm not really running. I fear one of those people popping out of the bushes and yelling "HA! You aren't a runner. I knew it!!". I try to only walk on uphills so that if I'm caught, I have an excuse. I always smile to myself when I see one of these people off the beaten path and I am running hard. Trust me, it has happened. And it is oh, so satisfying.

As I approach the end of the route, I really try to push myself. I'm quite sure I appear half dead. If I at all become aware of my appearance, I realize that I am hunched over as if attempting to hurl myself forward. My eyes are squinted, mouth is grimacing. And now, it does look like I never found that bathroom and the weak muscles of motherhood just let loose. But the truth is, this is exactly how I want to look if I've been spotted by one of my secret motivators. It screams, "LOOK HOW HARD I'VE WORKED!!" It is SO satisfying to walk in the door as the sweat pours down. I think my family is more proud of me the worse I look.

Of course this is all in my head. I don't terribly care what my secret people think of me. Ok, I do a little or none of this would work. What matters is that this little game is just one more thing to make me work, to keep going, and to push just a little harder. And it's fun. Now, do you see why I sit here and laugh at myself?